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"Have the courage to change the things you can. Have the courage to accept the things you cannot change"

Every night before i sleep, there will sure be this one thing i am afraid of. Be it afraid of losing something, going through something, or afraid of something happening. Those things followed me throughout nights and nights sometimes, and i always wonder what's the point of over-thinking although i still couldn't change how i feel. As always said by wise people: Why worry about yesterday when things had been over? Why worry about today when today isn't over yet? And why worry about tomorrow when it haven't even arrive? Easy said to be done; who doesn't have fear?

Someone important in my life once told me: "Life is a drama, but not of those shown on screen. You have to fight, you have to force, you have to hang on, you have to put on a smile and even plead when necessary". The thing is, i am consistently afraid of trying like this and going the tough way although this is compulsory in certain life stages. I dreaded rejections, i wonder what the rest would think of me, and i fear that my position would be shaken. I don't always have the courage to force myself in overcoming my fear; I don't always have the courage to accept what i couldn't have. Life is tough like this.

All these days i have been pushing myself towards my limits in different areas, although i may just be close by the line. I have a strong reliance on people and always get too dependant on some humans, that's the reason for why i am forcing myself towards areas of job i am not familiar with alone. My bosses said i was naturally soft-spoken, i tried to overcome it by standing up in meetings and briefings to state my suggestions and opinions although i stutter and people laugh. Carelessness was a part of me since young, gaining me much scoldings wherever i go in whatever i do. Who doesn't feel bad on the inside when you got scolded like you ain't worth even a penny? What i do is to keep my lips curved a little, keeping a smile hanged on my awkward face every time despite others thinking that i am a feeling-less fool. The courage to turn sadness into lessons keeps me going for most of the times.

However, the best i thought i have had is the courage to not hide my emotions. When i am sad, i cry. When i am happy, i laugh hard even when the public are watching. When i am angry, you will know it and when i am troubled, everything get into my way. Likewise, sometimes don't forget to play smart and know who you are expressing your feelings to. You can hurt them if that is the truth, but will it hurt you back at the end of the day? Think of the possibilities and you will know. People might call you a hypocrite, the rest might see you as two-faced. However, if you are a two-faced person, why would you bother to think so much about how your emotions and words might affect others and yourself? Its not being a hypocrite, sometimes you just have to be wise.

Times when i lost myself in who i really am, all it takes was to wind everything back and find the courage to accept, forgive, improve and move on. Days to days i am always scare of a lot of things, even it might be the tiniest happening you would have thought. I couldn't find resolutions to it, and i didn't know how far can courage bring me. Courage helps me in overcoming myself  psychologically, but how useful and effective it really is regarding on the decisions i had once made? Some points in my past, courage had left down non-erasable ink marks.


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"Have the courage to change the things you can. Have the courage to accept the things you cannot change"

Every night before i sleep, there will sure be this one thing i am afraid of. Be it afraid of losing something, going through something, or afraid of something happening. Those things followed me throughout nights and nights sometimes, and i always wonder what's the point of over-thinking although i still couldn't change how i feel. As always said by wise people: Why worry about yesterday when things had been over? Why worry about today when today isn't over yet? And why worry about tomorrow when it haven't even arrive? Easy said to be done; who doesn't have fear?

Someone important in my life once told me: "Life is a drama, but not of those shown on screen. You have to fight, you have to force, you have to hang on, you have to put on a smile and even plead when necessary". The thing is, i am consistently afraid of trying like this and going the tough way although this is compulsory in certain life stages. I dreaded rejections, i wonder what the rest would think of me, and i fear that my position would be shaken. I don't always have the courage to force myself in overcoming my fear; I don't always have the courage to accept what i couldn't have. Life is tough like this.

All these days i have been pushing myself towards my limits in different areas, although i may just be close by the line. I have a strong reliance on people and always get too dependant on some humans, that's the reason for why i am forcing myself towards areas of job i am not familiar with alone. My bosses said i was naturally soft-spoken, i tried to overcome it by standing up in meetings and briefings to state my suggestions and opinions although i stutter and people laugh. Carelessness was a part of me since young, gaining me much scoldings wherever i go in whatever i do. Who doesn't feel bad on the inside when you got scolded like you ain't worth even a penny? What i do is to keep my lips curved a little, keeping a smile hanged on my awkward face every time despite others thinking that i am a feeling-less fool. The courage to turn sadness into lessons keeps me going for most of the times.

However, the best i thought i have had is the courage to not hide my emotions. When i am sad, i cry. When i am happy, i laugh hard even when the public are watching. When i am angry, you will know it and when i am troubled, everything get into my way. Likewise, sometimes don't forget to play smart and know who you are expressing your feelings to. You can hurt them if that is the truth, but will it hurt you back at the end of the day? Think of the possibilities and you will know. People might call you a hypocrite, the rest might see you as two-faced. However, if you are a two-faced person, why would you bother to think so much about how your emotions and words might affect others and yourself? Its not being a hypocrite, sometimes you just have to be wise.

Times when i lost myself in who i really am, all it takes was to wind everything back and find the courage to accept, forgive, improve and move on. Days to days i am always scare of a lot of things, even it might be the tiniest happening you would have thought. I couldn't find resolutions to it, and i didn't know how far can courage bring me. Courage helps me in overcoming myself  psychologically, but how useful and effective it really is regarding on the decisions i had once made? Some points in my past, courage had left down non-erasable ink marks.


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Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who won't get angry no matter what. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

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