You're like a conformist, someone whom i can never see through clearly. You changes in the speed of lightning, and i find it tough to understand you. I thought i knew you, I had believed that i understood you much more better than anyone else does, but guess that's all just wishful thinking. All the way long i strongly feel that you are someone that's totally different from what you've been showing out to the others, but now i'm doubting my inference so much, so much till that i couldn't continue watching it goes on. Each and every time when you disappoint me again and again, i still insist on telling myself that you are different from them. But now, i guess i just have to stop deceiving myself; cause even a blind man could see that you're not anyone different from who you are on the outside.
"You end up crying; And i end up lying"
Nothing would feels more worse than being a substitution of someone to someone. All the way long when i thought that i meant something, i'm just being a plain fool. In fact i'm just a pipsqueak, someone who's unimportant and always a replacement. That feeling of comedown had printed a sear on me and i'm left alone feeling burned slowly. I never wanted nothing more but just to have a position of my own to people around me. I really hated being someone 'extra', someone that you would think of only when the one you're looking for is not around. Worse still, i hate being only just a substitution, and that toy that would be thrown aside once the real one returns. What is this? Have you ever feel the same way too?
"I'm right here, when will you realise?"
What's the point to wheedle when you know you've did something so wrong? What's the point of apologising when you're still not going to change? Perhaps you'll only start realising my existance all these days, only when i'm gone for good. I've tried so many times to just disappear in your life, but i just couldn't do this. I tried reciprocating what you're always doing to me, but i gave up eventually cus i didn't want to hurt you. I tried not replying you so as to start forgetting you, but whenever you send another message asking for me, i still wrote back a 'hey, sorry'. What i have been doing all the way long, is simply just to show you that i'm really different from the rest beside you. I've always been highlighting myself by being the first to always appear when you're down, but it seems even when using the brightest colour, i still won't shine in front of you. Maybe you haven't yet realised that i'm always been following through behind you, cus you have never once turned your head back and look out for me. But one day if you does, maybe, just maybe i won't be there anymore, cus as time goes i realised the gap in between us is slowly getting unbrigeable, and i'm tired of being the only one who's always catching up to you.
"You'll never get over her getting over you."
Don't judge a book by it's cover. This quote have always beem spreading around like a contradicting fire; people always say this, but they had never really absorb the meaning. Certain people have been too subjective towards appearance, resulting to the rise of vanity and more and more people falling for the trap named 'beauty'. But hey (to the ones whom had gotten an F9 for spotting out the door named 'personality'), have you ever take a look around the people who cares so much for you? They're always paying so much attention to what you have been doing, and you list them as stalkers. They're always providing you the first-class level of care and concern, but you take them all as bullshits. They're always crying for you in the late nights when you're still on the phone with those pretty ladies, but you've never been aware of how your repartee comments have always meant so damn much to them. They're not stupid, they're much aware that you will repay them with the icy treatments, and they do know that the harshness you have implied onthem are imminent. You called them one-sided, you viewed them as freaks and weirdos, and you avoid them. But what you'll never realise is that the group of people whom you called 'irritants' are usually the ones who cared for you the most. And you're forever blinded by the realistic word of'beauty'. No matter how unreparable the hurt you've given to them is, they still continue. Reason is not because they're crazy, but rather just that they couldn't find the renunciation. Those little little small things and words you have given and said to them, it might not meant anything to you but they still remember each and every lines and expressions on your face back then. All those things that you've taken for granted; they are not going to last forever. Someday at some time, that one person will leave, and you will start to see the difference. That will just be comeuppance by then.
"I wanted to tell you how i feel, but i end up telling you what you wanna hear."
p/s: The truths normally hurts. But only when you have experience the level called pains and tears, you will then start to forget and let go of those beautiful lies that had once seems so real. And only by then, there will be no more threnody and you will eventually give yourself the chance to find the happiness that really belongs to the one and only you.
You're like a conformist, someone whom i can never see through clearly. You changes in the speed of lightning, and i find it tough to understand you. I thought i knew you, I had believed that i understood you much more better than anyone else does, but guess that's all just wishful thinking. All the way long i strongly feel that you are someone that's totally different from what you've been showing out to the others, but now i'm doubting my inference so much, so much till that i couldn't continue watching it goes on. Each and every time when you disappoint me again and again, i still insist on telling myself that you are different from them. But now, i guess i just have to stop deceiving myself; cause even a blind man could see that you're not anyone different from who you are on the outside.
"You end up crying; And i end up lying"
Nothing would feels more worse than being a substitution of someone to someone. All the way long when i thought that i meant something, i'm just being a plain fool. In fact i'm just a pipsqueak, someone who's unimportant and always a replacement. That feeling of comedown had printed a sear on me and i'm left alone feeling burned slowly. I never wanted nothing more but just to have a position of my own to people around me. I really hated being someone 'extra', someone that you would think of only when the one you're looking for is not around. Worse still, i hate being only just a substitution, and that toy that would be thrown aside once the real one returns. What is this? Have you ever feel the same way too?
"I'm right here, when will you realise?"
What's the point to wheedle when you know you've did something so wrong? What's the point of apologising when you're still not going to change? Perhaps you'll only start realising my existance all these days, only when i'm gone for good. I've tried so many times to just disappear in your life, but i just couldn't do this. I tried reciprocating what you're always doing to me, but i gave up eventually cus i didn't want to hurt you. I tried not replying you so as to start forgetting you, but whenever you send another message asking for me, i still wrote back a 'hey, sorry'. What i have been doing all the way long, is simply just to show you that i'm really different from the rest beside you. I've always been highlighting myself by being the first to always appear when you're down, but it seems even when using the brightest colour, i still won't shine in front of you. Maybe you haven't yet realised that i'm always been following through behind you, cus you have never once turned your head back and look out for me. But one day if you does, maybe, just maybe i won't be there anymore, cus as time goes i realised the gap in between us is slowly getting unbrigeable, and i'm tired of being the only one who's always catching up to you.
"You'll never get over her getting over you."
Don't judge a book by it's cover. This quote have always beem spreading around like a contradicting fire; people always say this, but they had never really absorb the meaning. Certain people have been too subjective towards appearance, resulting to the rise of vanity and more and more people falling for the trap named 'beauty'. But hey (to the ones whom had gotten an F9 for spotting out the door named 'personality'), have you ever take a look around the people who cares so much for you? They're always paying so much attention to what you have been doing, and you list them as stalkers. They're always providing you the first-class level of care and concern, but you take them all as bullshits. They're always crying for you in the late nights when you're still on the phone with those pretty ladies, but you've never been aware of how your repartee comments have always meant so damn much to them. They're not stupid, they're much aware that you will repay them with the icy treatments, and they do know that the harshness you have implied onthem are imminent. You called them one-sided, you viewed them as freaks and weirdos, and you avoid them. But what you'll never realise is that the group of people whom you called 'irritants' are usually the ones who cared for you the most. And you're forever blinded by the realistic word of'beauty'. No matter how unreparable the hurt you've given to them is, they still continue. Reason is not because they're crazy, but rather just that they couldn't find the renunciation. Those little little small things and words you have given and said to them, it might not meant anything to you but they still remember each and every lines and expressions on your face back then. All those things that you've taken for granted; they are not going to last forever. Someday at some time, that one person will leave, and you will start to see the difference. That will just be comeuppance by then.
"I wanted to tell you how i feel, but i end up telling you what you wanna hear."
p/s: The truths normally hurts. But only when you have experience the level called pains and tears, you will then start to forget and let go of those beautiful lies that had once seems so real. And only by then, there will be no more threnody and you will eventually give yourself the chance to find the happiness that really belongs to the one and only you.
βTo put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.β
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who won't get angry no matter what. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
Share your views with me! :)
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georgia, 28 october, singaporean